I want to have your abortion
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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