what day is it and did you see me today?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
