Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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