No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
