Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
