One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
