i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
