Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
