I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
