Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize