I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
