By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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