i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
