good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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