Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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