i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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