I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
