i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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