I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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