It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
