i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
