I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
