she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
