Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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