Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
