is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
