I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
