There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
