Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
