I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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