Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
