And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
