hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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