i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
