i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
