just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
