Can i not drive my cunt home
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
