just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
