i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You made out with two different species that night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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