I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
