Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
