those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
