dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
