You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize