Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
