You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
