Yo dont text me then not text me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
