You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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