I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
