My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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