You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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