Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
