He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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