If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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