Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
