I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize