so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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