Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
