Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

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(317): View more from Indiana

my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card

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(954): View more from Florida

I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.

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(563): View more from Iowa

You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.

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(917): View more from New York City

I just don't do feelings in the summer months.

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(518): View more from New York

currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"

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(803): View more from South Carolina

oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?

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