I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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