I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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