Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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