who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
