The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
