The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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