All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
