if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
