I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize