Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
