why didn't you poke me back
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize