I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As shirtless as possible
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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