Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Say something about gay babies.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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