haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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