Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
