Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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