yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
