I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
